How to Correctly End a Relationship?
Question by AmberP: How to correctly end a relationship?
I’m thinking about ending my relationship with a guy that i’ve dated on and off for about 10 years. This is the problem.
He is on probation, his truck needs fixed, he has no where else to go right now has no family or friends in the area that could help him out with a place to stay…. How do i do this when he is going to have to stay with me atleast until his truck is fixed, and possibly until he is off of probation (December 09)???? For 9 years he lived between 3-5 hours away.
I’ll give you a little info on why i’ve had enough… when he lived far away he wouldn’t call me for months on end, we were doing our own things basicly… But we always ended up back together somehow. We’ve known eachother since we were 10 and 11, we are now 27 and 28. He got addicted to something nasty towards the end of 06, as a friend i helped him out of that addiction, he still likes to drink though, and will drink every night he has the next day off to the point of being a pig…spilling alcohol everywhere, eating and dropping food everywhere
I’ve tried to “positively” talk to him about things in our relationship that bother me, he always gets loud with me, turns things around on me like i’m the one that is wrong for feeling what i feel, and then tells me to say things positively to him, and i’ll get a positive reaction…. when i am being as nice about it as i possibly can be.Then last night he went to far!
He told me that he cared more about my kids than i do, i have 3 that aren’t his…. he told me to kill him, put a screw driver in my hand and pointed it at his head, then told me to call the police on him…said that he thought all along that i was the type of ***** that would do something like that anywase. Then he called me a ***** several times in front of my kids and turned around and said that he didn’t say it at all…. This is just the stuff off the top of my head.
Oh he also said that he doesn’t want to be my slave and i’m only with him so i can benefit off of him…. when i’ve told him before i would work and he could stay home, when i’ve bought my own car, paid my own bills and everything else myself for YEARS…. I even bought him a weight set and always makes shure he has his damn protein powder and vitamins and never complain about it!….. I want to be understanding in all this, but don’t know how to be at this point
Sorry so long!
Best answer:
Answer by kentucky
be kind about the whole thing.
make sure u dont say anything negative or belittling.
u can do it.
Answer by misslabeled
You aren’t responsible for his life or the consequences of his choices. He sounds like he has a lot of issues and is probably dangerous if provoked. The best you can do is be honest and make it a clean break. No soft deadlines, because if he knows he’s going to be out after his truck is fixed, something will always need fixed. Also, if he behaves the way he does, it’s probably not even a good idea to have him stay around at all once you’ve told him you’re done.
I think you need to go to neutral territory and tell him that you’ve given it a lot of thought, and your lives are on entirely different paths. You understand it’s going to be a hardship for him, but that’s one of the reasons you need the break–his choices and how they have affected your life. Ask him to call someone then and there to try to find another place to go, and maybe have the addresses of some shelters. If he wants to get his things RIGHT NOW–an excuse to go back to the house (and cause trouble)–call the police to ask if someone can be at your house to keep the peace while he moves.
ADDITION:
In “grown-up” relationships, you talk and make the decision, hug, and go your separate ways, just to contrast the examples. When I was “dumped” by a boyfriend of two years, he said he just didn’t feel like he wanted to be committed to one person anymore and it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. My response, “But we have tickets to the Bolshoi…” So we went, he held my hand, and THEN didn’t see each other anymore.
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