Dating a Recovering Alcoholic?

Question by : Dating a recovering alcoholic?
I have been with this guy for over 2 years, and he has increasingly gotten better and better, but when I met him he was drinking every weekend, sometimes on binges that would last for almost a week. He’s had DUI’s, had his dog taken away, his license taken away, an interlock put into his car, been thrown in the drunk tank, and been hospitalized for being suicidal when he’s drunk.

But in the past year he’s really got himself together. He has a good job that he enjoys and he’s very responsible at. And when he’s sober, he’s an amazing guy. Sweet, considerate, funny, etc.

But every couple months he “relapses,” and the past few weekends he’s been drinking (and trying to hide it from me.) On the weekend we were talking at 9am and he was already getting drunk, so I told him I had to let him go (I made it clear to him some time ago that I will not be around him when he’s drinking.) Throughout the day he sent me these random texts, asking me if I was going to cheat on him, telling me to stay away from him, deleting me from his facebook as his girlfriend, then accusing me of being selfish for not listening to him pour his heart out about something he was worrying about that day. Then he deleted me from his facebook completely. Then 2 minutes later he readded me.

I’m just not sure what to do…he is a good guy and I do love him, and he loves me (when he’s sober) and he’s so awesome (when he’s sober), I just don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for so long and weathered so many storms, I don’t really want to quit…but at the same time, I can’t keep doing this forever. We can’t live together because I refuse to be around him when he drinks, and obviously I wouldn’t feel comfortable having kids with him.

I know no one is perfect, and we all have our “skeletons in our closets.” My sister says that we’re all a little crazy and we’re obviously in love, and it makes me feel like maybe I’m being too picky, or expecting too much. I mean, we all have our crap, right?

Advice is welcome, and thanks!

Best answer:

Answer by Coco
Definatly everyone has skeletons, and every couple go’s through hard times! You know what you could do, is tell him don’t go out to drink and try drinking together and limit how much he drinks? Every weekend isn’t as bad as it could be I’m sure, but you should try to “support it” so he dosen’t sneak around anymore.. that’s not good and very bad for trust..

I try to be the most honest person i can, i hope you will too and take the initiative to try and help the poor guy, addiction to alchohol is a really hard problem to break.. doing what i said is like moving him a little way away from it but he still gets it kind of as a reward.

Answer by lola
Asking that your partner not behave in a way that’s damaging, dangerous, and destructive is not being ‘too picky’. It’s being realistic and practical. You are entitled to a partner that’s able to be supportive and loving, not someone that will get drunk and act out, despite knowing that alcohol is a problem for him. We all have our flaws, but it’s alright, and healthy, to set limits on what you’ll tolerate.

You have given your partner plenty of chances, based on his positive qualities when he is sober…unfortunately, he doesn’t seem like he’s able to stay sober. You’ve told him before that you won’t always be around if keeps drinking, and it’s probably time to follow through on that promise. Two years is a long time to invest in someone, who continues to drink. You’ve already figured out that you can’t raise kids with this guy, so what are you waiting for? Move on, find someone that isn’t chemically dependent, that treats you well, and that you can have a future with.

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