Dating a Recovering Alcoholic?
Question by Snow: Dating a recovering alcoholic?
I have been with this guy for over 2 years, and he has increasingly gotten better and better, but when I met him he was drinking every weekend, sometimes on binges that would last for almost a week. He’s had DUI’s, had his dog taken away, his license taken away, an interlock put into his car, been thrown in the drunk tank, and been hospitalized for being suicidal when he’s drunk.
But in the past year he’s really got himself together. He has a good job that he enjoys and he’s very responsible at. And when he’s sober, he’s an amazing guy. Sweet, considerate, funny, etc.
But every couple months he “relapses,” and the past few weekends he’s been drinking (and trying to hide it from me.) On the weekend we were talking at 9am and he was already getting drunk, so I told him I had to let him go (I made it clear to him some time ago that I will not be around him when he’s drinking.) Throughout the day he sent me these random texts, asking me if I was going to cheat on him, telling me to stay away from him, deleting me from his facebook as his girlfriend, then accusing me of being selfish for not listening to him pour his heart out about something he was worrying about that day. Then he deleted me from his facebook completely. Then 2 minutes later he readded me.
I’m just not sure what to do…he is a good guy and I do love him, and he loves me (when he’s sober) and he’s so awesome (when he’s sober), I just don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for so long and weathered so many storms, I don’t really want to quit…but at the same time, I can’t keep doing this forever. We can’t live together because I refuse to be around him when he drinks, and obviously I wouldn’t feel comfortable having kids with him.
I know no one is perfect, and we all have our “skeletons in our closets.” My sister says that we’re all a little crazy and we’re obviously in love, and it makes me feel like maybe I’m being too picky, or expecting too much. I mean, we all have our crap, right?
Advice is welcome, and thanks!
Best answer:
Answer by O.o
We all have our crap, but we get to choose the crap we put up with.
Answer by ChiMom
This is way more than ‘crap’. It could destroy you, kill another person (Drunk driving) ruin your credit, etc etc.
I come from a long line of alcoholism and depression, codependency, etc.
I was married to a ‘recovering’ alcoholic–who didn’t drink at all. We were together 12 yrs, and he smoked pot ‘occasionally’. But–when he tried and got hooked on crack cocaine, I kicked him out and divorced him before he sold everything I own for drugs.
The main thing to remember is to find support. I read Al-Anon books (daily affirmation books) everyday. I go to meetings when I can.
The alcoholic will not stop unless and until he is ready to. You did not cause his disease, you cannot cure it, nor can you control it.
You are NOT too picky–and alcoholism is not a bad habit–or skeleton in the closet. It is a disease, and the only way to recover is to be sober–off everything–no pot, drugs, booze at all.
You are in for a life of heartache if you stay with him and he continues to use/drink. You must take care of yourself and, by all means, be safe. Do NOT get into a car with him. My older brother was a passenger in a car with his buddy the drunk–and was left crippled for life. he is now 55–and the accident occurred when he was 18–justy out of high school. he has been a cripple for almost his whole life.
Do not live together. Do NOT get pregnant! Do NOT give/lend him any $ $ –NOR your car, cell phone–or anything unless you are ready to lose it forever.
I’m not trying to scare you–but I know, first-hand, and don’t share bank accounts, credit cards, rent, anything.
There are thousands of people in the same situation as you–you are not alone.
There is help for you, support, lots to read and learn from.
best wishes to you and to your BF. I hope he comes to realize that he needs to recover.
{{HUGS}}
Please google “Al-Anon” and learn about the support that is out there for YOU.
Your BF has AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) if he decides he wants it.
For most addictis (alcoholics included) have a parent with an addiction and the disease is passed down to them.
Source(s):
My personal life–as well as career
Psychiatric healthcare for 24 yrs now
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